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How Are You Really Doing?

by Kathleen Simley

Communications Director; First Lutheran Church

I’ll be honest – this year feels heavier than most. Funding cuts, a turbulent stock market, rising costs of goods and increasing marginalization have created profound challenges for many of us as we strive to navigate these uncertain times. If you’re anything like me, regardless of who you are or what you do, you’ve likely felt the weight too. Many of us are running on empty, just trying to make it through the week – or even the day. But here’s the hard truth: when we’re running on fumes, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters – connecting with the people around us.

 
The reality is, many people face struggles that often go unnoticed. It could be a family member at your dinner table, a colleague down the hall, or a fellow worshipper seated beside you.We’re surrounded by people who may be carrying more than they can handle. Yet, in the busyness of life, it’s easy to overlook the signs.
 
I’ll admit, I’m guilty of this. I catch myself asking “How are you?” out of habit, expecting a quick “good” or “fine” before moving on. But when was the last time I actually stopped and listened? I mean, really listened – with patience and intention. Those moments are rare, but when they happen, they can be powerful.
 
Sometimes, I don’t dig deeper because I’m overwhelmed – juggling tasks, moving too fast to pause. Other times, I’m nervous about how to respond if someone shares something heavy. And when the roles are reversed, I hesitate to open up too. Maybe you’ve felt this – the fear of being a burden, the worry no one will understand or the doubt that sharing will help.
 
But those hesitations build walls. They stop us from giving or receiving the connection we all need, especially when life feels hard.
 
Imagine this…
 
How would it feel if someone really checked in on you? Not just with a quick “How are you?” but with a thoughtful, “You’ve seemed a little off lately… what’s on your mind?” Imagine they didn’t interrupt or rush, but just listened fully. It would feel amazing, right? To feel seen and supported?
 
Now flip it around. Think about the quiet friend, the distracted coworker, the distant friend or the overwhelmed parent. What if you paused to ask, “Are you really okay? You don’t seem like yourself lately.” And what if you stayed present – not to fix, just to listen?
 
Those moments of connection matter. They’re not just kind gestures – they’re lifelines. They can spark something bigger: a relationship, a sense of support and a reminder that no one has to carry it all alone. Tired, worn-out people need each other the most.
 
Here are a few simple ways I’ve been more intentional with my connections. Maybe they’ll help you, too:
 
Notice the People Around You
This one’s harder than it sounds. Life moves fast and sometimes I don’t stop to truly see the people around me. But when I do, it’s amazing what I notice.
 
Perhaps a coworker has grown unusually quiet, a friend from church has been noticeably absent, or a parent seems withdrawn. These subtle changes may carry deeper meaning than we realize.
 
Ask With Genuine Care
I’ve caught myself on autopilot, tossing out a “How are you?” without waiting for a real answer. But when I slow down and ask with care, the responses are completely different.
 
Try something like:
“You’ve been on my mind. How are you really doing?”
“You don’t seem like yourself today. Is everything okay?”
“Just wanted to check in – how’s everything going?”
 
​Small changes like this say, “I care,” not “I’m just being polite.”
 
Listen Fully
There have been times when someone opened up and I wasn’t fully present – I hate admitting that. But when I put my phone down, pause my to-do list and really listen, it makes a huge difference.
 
Sometimes people don’t need advice. They just need someone to sit with them, free of distractions or judgment.
 
Trust Your Gut
You know that feeling when someone says, “I’m fine,” but you know they’re not? Trust it. I’ve learned to gently push with questions like, “Are you sure? You seem a bit off and I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
 
Most of the time, they’ll open up. And when they do, you’ve created a safe space for them to share.
 
Remember You Don’t Have to Fix Everything

This one took me a while to accept. I’m a fixer – I want to solve problems. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there. Your presence alone can mean everything.

Take a moment to reconnect with the people on your mind. Reach out with a message to someone you’ve been thinking about. Leave a thoughtful note of encouragement for a colleague. Spare five minutes to check in with a parent who seems overwhelmed. Small gestures can make a big difference.

These little moments might feel small, but they add up. What if we all paused to reach out? We could create a community where everyone feels seen and supported, even in chaotic and challenging times.

So, how are YOU really doing?

First Lutheran

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